Yeaaaaaaaaah! Lost is back...with a vengence! And, unfortunately, so are the commercials. Damn Spanky, minus the commercials the 2-hour show was only an hour long. I feel gypped. Ok, first of all, I need a GPS to help me navigate around this show. I mean, I've been watching since S1 and am VERY aware of the complexity bla bla bla but I feel like a drunk on a merry-go-round everytime I watch this crazy show. Yet I love it. And I want to understand it...but...it's complicated. Deliciously so.
Thank goodness for the hour-long Cliffs Notes of the past 5 seasons to catch us up on things. Instead of commercials, a detailed recap every 5 minutes about the previous 5 minutes would be quite refreshing. But how many times, seriously, do I need to see poor Julia hit the bomb with the rock and blow up in smitheerens? First the Cliffs Notes, then the opening in the premiere and then again 20 minutes into the show. What gives? We get it show, THE PLACE WENT BOOM. I guess it was supposed to make us sad that Juliet was gone. Yea, I was never a fan of hers only because I couldn't trust her from the beginning but I guess the very end of S5 sold me. And, I guess the hiatus was supposed to keep us wondering "ooh, what happened to Julia and the plan?" Except, since the hiatus felt like it lasted a year-and-a-half, I quickly stopped caring. And almost completely forgot. Until today.
We waited with baited breath to find the next scene taking place in the airplane before --- and instead of --- the crash. Ok, so the plan worked. Yea for Faraday and his crazy plan! Yea for Jack for carrying out that plan when Faraday got shot! And Yea for Julia for detonating the bomb when the impact of throwing it down a 20-foot shaft didn't work. Oy.
So everyone's back on the plane post-crash going about their business and -voila- landing safely at LAX, as originally planned. Ok, show's over. We can all go home now. Everyone lived happily ever after. Or did they...?
Turns out, in only a crazy, mixed-up LOST way, the Losties are still back on the island. But it isn't 1977 anymore (thank gawd, because, yikes, the '70's!)...and there isn't a Swan Station...but there used to be. It's now blown up where Juliet detonated the bomb. So, let me get this straight...Juliet detonated the bomb in 1977 to save the Losties from crashing on the island in 2004. The bomb goes off. On one hand, the Losties are safe and sound on their plane from Australia to LAX in 2004. Yet, on the other hand, they're still on the island in 2007? And the Swan Station that was supposed to have never been built was not only built, but succumbed to the explosion of the bomb set off in 1977? I don't know what the writers were on, but they need to share some of it with me.
So, back on the island, it's 2007 and everyone is present and accounted for, even Julia who is at the bottom of the Swan Station rubble, much to Sawyer's surprise. Everyone works frantically to dig her out and poor Sayid is still mortally wounded and bleeding, but Dr. Death, I mean, Jack is too busy trying to appease Sawyer by helping dig Juliet out that he thought Sayid's bleeding wound could wait just a sec. Turns out all that effort was in vain because [SPOILER ALERT] Juliet dies.
Meanwhile, back at the statue, we find out that "alive" Locke is really Esau aka Smokie-in-disguise and after he talks Benry (heh, I still like calling him that) into killing Jacob, his true identity comes out...literally. When Richard siccs his goons on Benry and fake-Locke, Smokie comes out and beats the tar out of them. Except Richard who high-tails it back to the beach. The sissy. (I keeeed, I keeeed!) Fake-Locke and Benry have a bonding moment and for once, Benry wasn't acting like such a twerpy know-it-all. I found Esau/Smokie/fakeLocke's account of Original Recipe Locke's final thoughts as Benry strangled him quite sad.
Now that Juliet is dead, Dr. Death turns his attention to Sayid. Hugo-I-see-dead-people-Hurley gets a visit from dead Jacob who tells him where to take Sayid to help save him. They all take a road trip to the Temple where they run into a new set of problems. Hey! It's Cindy and the kids! And I know the kids' names were mentioned but aren't they old enough to be in college now? The Temple is headed by Genghis Khan (ok, I know that's wrong, but that's who he reminded me of), his interpreter John Lennon, and various random thugs from central casting. Of course, they harrass the Losties before "helping" them try to save Sayid. But the mention of Jacob's name opens all kinds of doors (literally - heh) for them. And we finally get to know what's in that guitar case Jacob gave him to carry around. Yay, a question answered. But, oh, a zillion more asked. (Ankh if you love Jacob! - from Tweeters)
I must say, I really enjoyed the airplane scenes only because it was cool to see what the Losties would have done under normal circumstances. And we got to see pretty, pretty Boone again! And Rose & Bernard! And Desmond!!! It would have been interesting to have seen Michael and Waaaaaaaalt along with Vincent! But I guess it wouldn't be possible with the actor playing Waaaaalt! being in his '30's now. Oh, show, you sometimes disappoint. Who knew there was going to be so much drama on that plane despite the fact it DIDN'T CRASH? Oy vey!
So, we've got people trying to save Sayid at the Temple by drowning him in one universe, and Kate trying to escape her marshall at LAX in another universe. Oh look, it's Claire! And Frodo! Maybe we'll see Michael and Waaaaaaaalt! after all. Crazy shiznit, man!
After Genghis' thugs kill Sayid by drowning him timed by his Wicked Witch of the West hour glass, the Losties sit around doing what they do best -- looking helpless and vacant. Turns out Genghis really understands English but would rather have John Lennon translate. I don't know where he gets his lackeys and thugs, but being bilingual is definitely a prerequisite for the job. Otherwise, you risk offending his taste buds. Oy.
When Hurley mentions that Jacob is dead...the alarms get sounded and fireworks get launched. But not in a good way. Smokie is on the loose and people need to take cover and encircle themselves with the ash for protection. Back on the beach, Richard, et al see the alarm and realize too late that Smokie is on the rampage. It would have been nice to get the answer to "why doesn't Richard age?" but they have 16 episodes to help answer all the remaining questions because the PAST 5 YEARS JUST WASN'T ENOUGH TIME. Smokie-Locke gives Richard a beat-down and carries him off. Poor Lapidus and Sun look in shock as Smokie-Lock strolls right by real, dead Locke. At the airport, the airline loses the coffin that housed Christian Shephard's body AND coincidentally Locke's bag o' knives. Sounds like the makings of a bad zombie-slasher flick. Poor Jack just can't get a break. But, he may get to play hero again with Locke as a potential new patient!
Meanwhile, back at the Temple, a scuffle breaks out between Dr. Death and Genghis' thugs because Jack has nothing better to do than rile up the thugs with the weapons. However, Sayid suddenly awakes from the dead. Whaaaaat? Dun Dun DUN!
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